(Mr. Garrison)
I heard there is no Christmas,
In the silly Middle East.
No trees, no snow, no Santa Claus.
They have different religious beliefs.

They believe in Muhammad,
And not in our holiday,
and so every December,
I go to the Middle East and say...

Hey there, mister Muslim!
Merry Fuckin' Christmas!
Put down that book the Koran,
and here's some holiday wishes..
In case you haven't noticed,
It's Jesus' birthday.
So get off your heathen Muslim ass,
And fuckin' celebrate.

There is no holiday season,
In India, I've heard.
They don't hang up their stockings,
And that is just absurd.

They never read a Christmas story.
They don't know what Rudolph is about.
And that is why every December,
I'll go to India and shout...

Hey there, mister Hinduist!
Merry Fuckin' Christmas!
Drink eggnog and eat some beef,
And pass it to the missus..
*Hindu music*
In case you haven't noticed,
It's Jesus' birthday.
So get off your heathen Hindu ass,
And fuckin' celebrate.

Now I've heard that in Japan,
Everyone just lives in sin.
They pray to several gods,
And put needles in their skin.

On December 25th,
All they do is eat a cake.
And that is why I go to Japan,
And walk around and say...

HEY THERE, mister Shintoist!
Merry Fuckin' Christmas!
God is gonna kick your ass,
You infidelic pagan scum!
*Japanese music*
In case you haven't noticed,
There's festive things to do.
So let's all rejoice for Jesus,
Merry Fuckin' Christmas, ta you.

On Christmas Day..
I travel around the world and say..
Daoists, Christians, Buddists,
and all you Atheists, too!
Merry Fuckin' Christma-aaaaas,
To yooo-oouuu!

*small clapping sound*

Thank you, Mr. Hat.